Snape and The Shampoo
by Wandhappy
Summary: A Snape oneshot. Rated M beacuae I felt like it!. What happends if Snape really did wash his hair? Funny and wierd R&R I muight make it in to a story. No Flames


A/N: First off I must say, this is a ONESHOT. Now having typed that I will say, if I get enough reviews and fans of this oneshot I will more than likely turn it in to a random crazy story. You can give me advice for the story if you want to see one, in your review. Hey you can even email me for all I freaking care.

DISCLAIMER: If you think own Harry Potter then you think Hilary Clinton should be president…..nope I didn't think so

R&R

ONESHOT

Snape drove slowly. He really didn't know if he was ready for this. The Dark Lord being gone he now had time to do the simple things, spend more time aggravating the piss out of Harry, stalking Hermione trying to figure out how the hell she knows it all and of course the thing he was attempting to do now, Buy some shampoo.

Snape groaned having gotten to the super market quicker than he would have liked to. He reluctantly pulled into a parking space and turned the engine off. He fumbled with his keys until they we securely in his hand. He took one deep long breath and allowed himself out of the car.

He was immediately engulfed in the summer air. He immediately regretted wearing black, it was so hot out. He locked the car door and slowly headed towards the supermarket.

As he walked he suddenly realized why he never like d to come out. Kids playing hopscotch every where, people smiling at everything, it was way to bright for Snape, he preferred his darkened room in his dark house, hey his power bill was super cheap.

He stood outside of the automatic door. Not sure if he should turn back now they opened before his eyes, revealing some one leaving he hadn't really wanted to see.

"What are you doing here Potter" His stern eyes studied the 18 year old. He looked like he was up to know good.

"PROFFESSOER SNAPE?" Harry yelled out "What in blazes are you doing here? This is morning time you know when the normal people come out." Harry grinned, being out of school meant he could make Snape's life a living hell.

Snape glared at the boy's smart remark. "Well, your one to talk about normal aren't you Potter, why might I ask are you shopping at the super market? Filthy magazines no less?"

Harry rolled his eyes at his ex- professor's stupidity; "No I was buying lube so I could look at the filthy magazines properly." He barely got that out with a straight face, his professor had tried to make him uncomfortable. Harry was not easily embarrassed.

Snape blushed as Harry's comment, searching for a smart remark Harry continued

"If it is really any of your business I am here for Cho"

Snape pondered and something was racked in his brain, Potter and Chang had had a relationship in school, but why was Potter here on her account.

"Well I had better be off Professor" Harry waved and began to walk off, not before turning back to Snape for one last remark

"OH you should defiantly try Lorrel Paris, it does wonders on hair."

Snape went red, how had potter known what he was up to?

"Occumelency does the mind good professor" Harry winked and vanished out of sight.

Snape starred in the spot where Harry had operated, he let out a loud snort. The boy never stopped surprising or aggravating. He smiled to himself, 'what a day this has started out to be' he thought to himself. Glad that Harry had gone he walked in to the super market.

Snape immediately wanted to run away as soon as he walked in, there were people every where, and he wasn't much of a people person. He wanted to get his shampoo and get out. He walked quickly around the store. He walked through isles and isles of food and supplies but he found no shampoo. 'How the fuck am I supposed to find anything in this store?' he muttered to himself not knowing there was a blonde headed little boy standing behind him watching his every move. Just getting that 'someone is watching you feeling, he turned around.'

"May I help you" Snape leered at his unwanted company; this boy could be no more than 4 years old what could he possibly want with Snape.

The boy eyed Snape for a good whole minute before speaking. "Your really weird."

Snape was flabbergasted, "What is that supposed to mean?" He was growing impatient he wanted to get his shampoo and get out just like he had planned.

"It means your weird, DUH! And my mommy says the word you just said was a disgusting word." The boy put his hands on his hips as if he was about to send Snape to his room; he kind of looked like Molly Weasley.

Snape suppressed a snort, this boy must be talking about when Snape muttered fuck to himself. "What word is it that I said that your mother thinks is disgusting?" he would spare a few minutes to mess with this kid.

"I'm not allowed to say it." The boy said matter-o-factly.

"Was this word perhaps "fuck?" Snape's mouth curved into a grin, he was suddenly liking the supper market.

The boy nodded enthusiastically "yeah you shouldn't say that"

"Fuck"

The boys eyes widened, "You shouldn't say that!"

"Fuck fuck fuck" Snape was laughing as he did this

The boy clasped his hands over his ears, "Stop it stop it I can't hear you lalalalalalalalala"

Snape rolled his eyes and went to search some more for the shampoo. He was getting irritated at not being able to find it. He was no in the cereal isle for the fourth time. Cap'n Crunch was starting to get on his nerves. He walked over to the box and muttered "You're not going to crunchitize me captain." He heard a crazy laugh behind him and he spun around.

He looked at his new company. It was obviously a teenager. He had a box of corn pops in his hand about to put it on the shelf, this guy worked here

"Dude your were just talking to a friggin cereal box hahahaha" he was holding his stomach now looking like he was a bout to throw up. His brown hair sagged in his face as he stood straight up.

Snape didn't understand why he couldn't just mutter top himself in peace. He shook his had out of anger and spoke. "Where might I find" he gritted his teeth "you shampoo selection."

Apparently this teenager thought smart words were funny, because he was laughing even harder. "OH you are so weird, hahahahahaha"

That was the last straw for Snape he wanted shampoo now "For the love of god get you lazy adolescent ass and take me toi the mother fucking shampoo god damn it!" Snape was through playing around. The teenager took him seriously this time.

A little frightened. He put the box of cereal up, and gestured for Snape to follow him. 'Finally' Snape thought to himself. He followed the teenager, out of the cereal isle. They walked for about 3 minutes when the teenager stopped at the edge of isle8. "This is where I leave you weird mean dude, may the force be with you as you choose your hair care products. " He a gave a sigh with his hands that looked a lot like the Vulcan sign in star trek. Snape watched the teenager go and thought to himself "no way in hell I am coming back!' HE walked the line slowly. HE turned right and left wondering where it was and he found the Shampoo awaits!

Snape stared gapping at the sight in front of him. There were so many different brand, Herbal Essence Suave Pantene Fantastic Sam's and many more. There were different scents Vanilla, Citrus Orange, Strawberry kiwi, Brown sugar. Snape was so confuse he out his hand in his hands to try and decide. HE was having a nervous break down over shampoo.

Suddenly he lifted up his head and searched the shampoo until he found it Lorel Pairs. He shifted his eyes left and right. He grabbed it quickly and headed for the counter. 'Potter better know his shampoo, or I will kill him.' He thought. As he reached to counter he groaned at the line, he decided he would go through the Self-Checkout counter, oh poor Snape.

Snape walked over to the Self-checkout. "Please press Spanish or English." HE pressed English." Please scan you MVP card now. The computer said to him. HE didn't have one so he went to scan his shampoo bottle, nothing happened. "Please scan you MVP card now" Snape starred at the machine, he had no MVP card. HE went and scanned his Shampoo again. Nothing happened 'IM sorry do you knot understand? I said please scan your MVP card now!' the check out machine was pissed. Snape was so confused

"I don't have an MVP card why wont you scan my shampoo." Snape scanned his shampoo again. "YOU asshole I said scan you fucking MVP card!"

"I DON'T HAVE AND MVP CARD YOU BITCH!" Snape yelled at the top of his voice, he noticed everything go suddenly quiet, every one was watching him. HE forced his shampoo bottle and scanned it again. "Your total is $27.89"

"WHAT? The shampoo was only $2.67, why did you charge me almost $30.00l, what the hell?

"Your MVP card would have saved you $25.22 for your 15 bottles of shampoo."

"15 BOTTLES I only have one! I don't need 15 bottles," Snape was yelling at the top of his voice.

"Are you sure about that?"

"ARGHHH "he slammed 2.67 on the teller machine and attempted to punch it only causing his hand to writhe in pain. Then he tried kicking it, but now his big toe hurt like shit. The machine was cackling evilly as Snape marched out of the store. HE was so furious he forgot where he parked his car. 'Shit ' he thought to himself. HE looked around frantically, muttering 'could my day possibly get any worse?'

"Now now sir, everyday is a wonderful day"

'God damn it' Snape thought to himself. He looked beside f him to sea very old lady, his day was just getting worse and worse, the whole supermarket was full of eavesdroppers He glared at the lady. She smiled back "Why, what ever is the matter?"

"I can't remember where I parked my car" Snape said through gritted teeth why was this any of this lady's business. HE sighed and continued looking for his car.

"Sir why don't you just push the panic button, you are so wired " she smile and walked off leaving Snape in a 'What he fuck was that all about' trance. He shook his had and hit the panic button for his car, it immediately went off. HE followed the sound and ended up outside of the Old black mercury. He sighed to himself; he would be home in a few minutes. He opened the door and put the shampoo bag to the passenger seat, He cranked up the car and off he went.

As Snape drove home he realized just how long it had been since he has washed his hair. He could never ever remember washing it in his entire life. IT had always been a greasy looking color. HE shook his head. His hair would get the attention it well deserved. HE drove on hoping to get home as quickly as possible. He liked the calm silence that came with being alone. IT was peaceful and he didn't have insolent fools aggravating the piss out of him.

He slowed down to a gradual stop. He was right outside his flat. He parked the car once again, and allowed himself out as he grabbed the shampoo.

HE walked over to his front door, and unlocked then door. His house was pitch black. He skillfully walked over towards the counter to lie down his purchase and his keys. HE dully flicked his wand and a light was turned on.

HE slowly took the shampoo out of the bag. It sat there mocking him. He rolled his eyes as he grabbed it and he walked to his bathroom.

He looked at himself in the mirror, his hair looked like it had been in a extreme tub of butter and he needed to wash it. Slowly he turned on the water and undressed. HE grabbed the shampoo bottle and walked into the shower.

He let the warm water run down his body before washing, he loved the feeling of warmth on his pale skin. After washing he opened the shampoo bottle and applied it to his hair. It felt unnatural oinm his head, but he supposed this was what it was supposed to do never having washed his hair. HE began to scrub harder and harder. He looked down on the bathtub floor noticing black oily water; he wrinkled his nose and kept washing 'til he felt his hair had to be clean. He rinsed it off and turned off the water. Exiting the bathtub carefully he reached for a towel and shook his hair dry.

HE wrapped the towel around his waist and walked over to the mirror. He wiped of the steam with his hands and his eyes widened

"OH shit! I'm blonde."

END OF ONE SHOT

I know this is sooo stupid. I was talking about Ideas to my friend Hannah and she forced me to right a Snape and the shampoo oneshot. I liked it not as funny as I would have hoped but hey, I liked it. If you want me to possibly turn this into some sort of story, REVIEW. And if you don't but you like it REVIW. You know what just REVIEW!

NO FLAMES


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